Ghost's Breath

Hit by a train and I’m still breathing: do ghosts draw breath? 
Maybe that’s why I’m still standing, it went right through me.


 I am a ghost. 


Can ghosts come back?


I’ll get my colour back, rebuild my heart and force it to beat; sing it back to life.
If there is still fire under the rubble I will find it, my ghost’s breath will help it live.


I know now it wasn’t only murder that unmade me, it was suicide too. 
There’s a note, it wasn't only written by you. 


But I will get my colour back and my heart too. 
And when I do it will beat for one not two.

60-0 in five months flat.

I breathed free air today, for the first time since you went away. For the first time in weeks I’m not forcing my lungs, I’m embracing the beats. I’ve found my fight; I’ll prove me right, that you lost the chance to be golden that night. I won’t always be wearing a smile, and I won’t be looking your way for a long long while, know I’ll be missing you to death but I can’t sing if I keep holding my breath. Blue in the face is no way to be, and somewhere inside what’s left in my chest in know I have more to offer than you saw in me. So this is it, not calling it quits just speaking my piece, and leaving it you fate to weigh. It hurts when I think and it’ll sting and burn when the memories churn and rise from the depths to take me by surprise. And when I remember the looks that were lies know that hot tears will sting my eyes. But I’ll keep loving you quietly; I would love out loud if you would let me.

untitled

Five seconds ago we were dancing; miss a step and fall a mile. Next time I won’t rely on feeling, I’ll learn the steps like I should have. You gave it away at night, the way you lay I should have known. And the saddest part is that I won’t even try to hate you, because I’ve seen the way you work, I know there’s more than meets the eye.

Even as the glass holding the memories hits the floor, even walking out my bedroom door. Even while you call me baby and the gate clangs closed, even while your headlights disappear up the road…even while my imagination dose the rest. Even then in my head you’ll stay at your best.

And now I’m going to make my last effort, and you’re going to do your best to ignore it. I wish you’d been unfaithful, I really  do. Maybe then I could hate you for breaking me in two. I don’t think you’re as fine as you seem, and you seem just fine; but how am I to know? You hid inside yourself for all this time, I could be wrong again. I’ll carry this under my smile; it’ll live inside my laugh. And if my deductions were incorrectly deduced, congratulations; I’ll turn out just like you.

witch

I was the witch on trial. Not for my sins alone.

Is that what it feels like to burn? To climb onto the pyre and think, “I can do this. It’s only pain. I’ll be gone before it starts, this will be nothing.” The villager’s hands are quick as they tie to the stake, the rope it’s rougher than it looks as it scrapes raw, red patterns onto the transparent skin on the inside of your wrists. Your mind starts to race, what’s really happening here? This feels wrong. Acid and panic rise in your throat, burning their way to the surface with your darkest thoughts.

The fire is lit, and you feel a thousand eyes begin to burn through you before the flames can make their mark. You feel the spirits of a thousand spells and bindings slicing through your bones come to take their revenge for what you’ve done, and for what you missed.

The flames are close now, licking and hissing and craving…they will be sated. You can feel the heat but your body shakes, icy fingers caressing your spine. It’s beginning for the last time, this is almost the end. Smoke fills your lungs, you lose the power you had over words; they won’t save you now. All your charms have abandoned you as the wood and fire begin to sing, and your skin begins to scream. This fire, this beast will strip you down to your bones, it will see and hear and taste everything you have been and done and wanted. The torrid air will have you now.

Black like the depths of the ocean takes you, rips you from the light and throe. Deafening silence wraps you like a tomb. You reach out in the darkness, but there is nothing. The black tightens around your throat like murderous hands come to finish the job. Is this what you wanted? Is THIS what you plead for when the world turns its back? We were made to burn, we will all be ash.

You wanted do dance with the fire, you sought to touch what the gods breathed to life. You sold your soul to the devil for the ride of your life…but you didn’t read the fine print.

This is love, this is suicide.

What comes now?

jailer

i fell asleep with the words trapped behind my teeth,
they struggled but they could not get free.
my throat was the cuffs,
the voice in my mind was the bars they lay behind.
the little voice with the strong resolve.
resolve to dissolve the little feelings the wanted so badly to revolt.
to breathe in the glow and grow and grow.

the words will slip by,
the time is nigh when the jailer will forget to check his keys
and out on a breeze they will flow, to glow and grow.

And jailer please, when you're on your knees
in front of an empty cell,
fare not well for well is not what you wished me.
lock yourself in tight, lie alone through the night
and cry and wonder why oh why
you did it to yourself.

i hope that part of me rots in that cell, loses the key
and is never let free,
that empty, lonely part of me.
never let it free.

graveyard jive

six feet under is pretty far, but at least i'm not alone.
flesh and bone scrape and moan,
but it's all the same when the lids nailed shut.

dance on my grave if you want, but you're dancing by yourself.
i'll drink to your health, as you drank to mine with poisoned wine.

when the roots and the worms are the only ones who want you,
when the sky is gone and replaced by splinters in the dark,
and your shallow breaths claw their unwilling way out of punctured lungs,
maybe then you'll see.

dead or alive, it doesn't matter to me.
so what will it be?

Late Summer

Through the shadows and under the lights I wafted, the air growing heavy and dank.
I said to the monster in the sky, "Eat me up, i DARE you."
He growled at me, his belly was empty.
"I do not have a taste for human girls," he rasped. "but the empty streets will swallow you whole."
I stopped, looked behind, looked in front.
"I do not want her." the streets echoed slowly. "She is too small."
The monster in the sky howled, and beat the trees, and the clouds grew dark with his rage.
"Human girl, are you ready to be eaten up?"
"Yes." I said, and opened my arms to the storm.